Maybe? Baby? NO.

I don’t like infants.

I don’t know why I don’t like infants, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that maybe that’s part of the reason I’m not clamoring to have a litter of children like every other woman on this already grossly over-populated planet.
Whatever it is inside of everyone’s brain that wants, needs to reproduce? Yeah, so…when I think of having my own offspring? That ‘thing’ in my brain/part of my brain shrinks in absolute horror.
Um. No.
Not only no, but no fucking thank you.
Mention having a child to me and if you’re quiet enough after the suggestion (and if I don’t knock you out cold) you can probably hear my reproductive organs separating themselves from my body and running away. Screaming.
To the nay-sayers who insist that I will change my mind– I won’t. And ya know what? I’m not going to say “I’m sorry” about it, either. Because my body belongs to me and I decide what I do with it. Everyone who wants to push their own baby-agenda on to me had better step aside, as I am unfaltering in my choice. I don’t have to have children to matter in this world, and what’s more is I don’t have to explain to anyone WHY I don’t want to have children.
It’s nobody’s business but my own.
(I don’t go about asking people “So, why did you decide to have children?”, why do people think it’s okay to ask me why I didn’t/don’t?)
Sure, I may have had a moment of uncertainty in my early 20’s when mostly all of my Kansas friends were settling down and getting married, but I wasn’t uncertain enough to do anything stupid like get myself knocked up. Having a baby because everyone else is doing it is a bad choice. Just like fucking some guy in order to have a baby because everyone else is doing it is an even WORSE choice.
And let me tell you, it has nothing to do with “well, maybe you’re just not with the right person.” Simply put, that is bullshit.
That ‘theory’ in general, is bullshit.
I love my un-husband madly; in fact, he is the only counterpart I have ever had with whom I would ever even consider having children. He and I both have a good sense of self, and no doubt would make fantastic parents (and, by-the-way–our hypothetical children would be whip smart AND beautiful, and would put everyone else’s dumbassed ugly children to shame–you’re welcome we aren’t going to make beautiful people for the sole purpose of shaming the rest of the populous!), but neither of us wants to have children.
Additionally, think of all of the people who have children with their significant other (“the right person”) only to have the relationship with that person (again, “the right person”) explode into nothing and cease to exist save for “the good of the kids.”
Being with the right person. My ass.
During my recent descent from the pedestal of antidepressants, my therapist asked me if I went off of my medication because I unconsciously wanted to get pregnant and didn’t want my medication to negatively affect the baby (or as I like to say, ‘the parasitic life form’). I was then informed that “Plenty of women get pregnant and the antidepressant you take is one you could take through pregnancy.”
Well, great.
That’s juuuust fucking great…for women who take antidepressants and actually want to have children.
(Way to make me feel as awesome as I did the last time I saw an OB/GYN for a pap smear. She said to me “And you’re planning to have children soon?” To which I quickly replied in horror “Um. WHAT? NO!!!” And this female OB doctor recoiled from me as if I had insulted her mother and immediately treated me as if I were dog shit on the bottom of her shoe. Needless to say, I never saw that doctor again. I hope she burns in fifty hells for making me feel shame, no matter how brief, that I choose not to breed.)
If you are reading this, and you know me personally, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am STILL pissed about my therapist’s short-sighted assumption, and this ignorant statement was made to me about 3 weeks ago…as I was still clawing my way up from the black bottom of the depression barrel.
(As an aside–when someone is so depressed it is painful for them to even breathe, you might want to think three or four times about what you say to them and how you word it. I’ve heard some incredibly stupid shit from people recently and I will not soon forget it. Y’all can kiss my now-medicated ass.)
Keep in mind that just because I don’t want to have children does not mean I hate them. I quite like kids, actually (they’re delicious with mustard–just kidding! GAWD!). I feel children are important members of society–they are the only ones who are free to wonder and play, free to create without inhibition (go to grad school for studio arts and you will totally understand the “without inhibition” part), free to be silly and innocent.
Oftentimes, I shudder at the thought of what it would be like to raise a child in this world–a world with so much war, hate and destruction. A world that, in ten years, will not be the same as we know it today. So much for childlike wonder and innocence.
Additionally, I shudder because I see a lot of people having children and yet so few of them actually parent their offspring. These are the people who truly wreck the idyllic view of the white house, picket fence and 2.5 children. The non-parental parents. The parents whose children are rude and entitled. The parents whose children don’t respect their elders, whose children think the world owes them something and expect to sit on their ass while getting paid an hourly wage. The parents who provide every little thing their children ask for and ask nothing in return.
Way to reward negative behavior, idiots.
Hey, non-parenting parents–let me tell you something: You are a bunch of worthless, lazy assholes and you are turning your children into the same.
Which, I guess…whatever. I realize it takes all kinds but you’re seriously fucking up.
Not only do you owe your children an apology for not holding up on your end of the parenting deal, you owe the people who have to deal with your children on a daily basis an apology. Teachers, bus drivers, your church members, your family, friends, total strangers, etc. The list goes on and on.
Your children are hard to deal with, and I would venture to guess that I am not the only person out there who daydreams of going back in time to sterilize you prior to your selfish baby-making.
Or at the very least, I’m not the only one who dreams of backhanding your asshole child in public for being a rude twat.

3 thoughts on “Maybe? Baby? NO.

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